Things My Grandmother Says

My grandmother now lives in senior housing.  She is 90 years old and has befriended one of the younger residents, 70 year old Stella.  She has taken to wearing lip gloss and big earrings in an effort to appear younger.  She even had her hair cut exactly like Stella's.  She let Stella's daughter do the cutting and it looks absolutely terrible, but she's happy so we let it go.  Apparently, she just found out that Stella drinks.  Our most recent conversation regarding Stella went like this:

Grandmother:  "That Stella is a drunk!  I don't think I can be friends with her anymore!"

Esmerelda:  "What happened?"

Grandmother: "She had a huge glass of beer in the hall.  I don't know how people could drink that stuff.  I tried it once and it was terrible.  I put it back in the refrigerator after taking a sip and it stayed there for a long time.  I couldn't offer it to anyone because I had drank from the can.  I eventually threw it away.  Have you ever tried beer?"

Esmerelda:  "Yes."

Grandmother:  "Did you like it"

Esmerelda:  "Well, not at first, but now I enjoy a nice cold beer every now and then."

Grandmother:  "Oh, well you must have practiced until you started liking it.  I didn't practice because I didn't want to like it!".

Esmerelda:  "Well, I never thought about it like that, but I guess so."

She's hilarious.