Stupid Things My Boss has Said

When asked whether the staff would have a casual dress code during an upcoming conference in Hawaii, my boss replied, "Sure, however, you guys cannot wear any pants with brightly colored designs."

When a staff member purchased wrapping paper for gifts to be presented to a Chinese delegation, my boss, displeased with the selected paper stated, "They don't like shiny things in China."

One recent afternoon, my boss exited her office and yelled into the hallway, "Does anyone know how to Google?"

After visiting Hong Kong, my boss stated, "Hong Kong is so metropolitan....there are hardly any Chinese people there."

A week before Labor Day, my boss sent me an email asking, "What day is Labor Day?"

After an extensive visit to China, including a tour of a real estate project where the Chinese government basically stripped farmers of their land (or, more bluntly, stole their land) and relocated the families, my boss stated, "You should see them. They moved these farmers into really fabulous condos. It was wonderful!"

hmmm...

Sunday Barbecue Continued...

Okay....getting back to the Sunday barbecue my sister hosted for my visiting grandparents. As I posted previously, the grandparents showed up with an uncle who has Alzheimers, an uncle who is referred to as the "black sheep" of the family and the Alzheimers uncle's daughter, Willie Ruth.

When they first arrived, they rushed into the apartment because Willie Ruth's stomach was bothering her and she needed to go to the bathroom "in a hurry". She ran off down the hall to the first bathroom she spotted (which happened to be my sister's private bathroom in her bedroom). She was in there for a while and my grandparents started to get worried and suggested that my sister and I check on her. She also suggested that Willie might need a towel or something. Needless to say, my sister and I were dumbstruck thinking what could she possibly need a towel for? To wipe her ass? There’s a whole roll of toilet paper for that.

We replied that we were not willing to check on a grown woman in the bathroom. We assumed she would come out eventually and hoped the bathroom would still be intact when she did. (Later that night, my sister checked her bathroom and it was not intact....there were remnants of shit everywhere. She spent the rest of the night disinfecting everything in the room.)

Willie Ruth soon emerged and stated that she was feeling much better so she helped herself to a plate of food. After she finished eating, she stood to empty her plate and I noticed a brown blotch on the ass of her linen pants. Oh no…apparently Willie Ruth had messed herself. Thank goodness she was sitting in a wooden chair and not on my sister’s brand new, microfiber couch. Luckily (or not), the couch was busy being hogged by my fat ass, no teeth and no leg having, black sheep uncle.

The odd little crew soon packed up a trough of food and went their merry way. I’m sure that was quite a ride home, with the smell of shit in the air.

Ah, another ending to another day in Esmerelda’s world. It doesn’t get any better than this.